There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im six kinds of drunk right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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