So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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