I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
