I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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