Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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