I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
