I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I touched a dick in church today
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
