I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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