i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
