put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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