i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
