Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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