I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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