I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I forget how to act sober
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