Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
