Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
