What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
