He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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