SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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