She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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