bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
