Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
a search helicopter?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
