One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
