You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
