my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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