walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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