They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
