Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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