don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
