Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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