I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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