i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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