Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
