I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
