Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
