We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
