I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
