i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
