is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
