so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
