He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
