Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
