i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
