on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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