We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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