So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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