she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
