he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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