I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
