I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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