OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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