my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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