if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
