I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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