Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
