She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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