Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
