How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
