dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
