and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
