Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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