I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
