"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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