Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't deserve a penis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
