I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
