i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
