The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
