all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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