whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
