I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
