Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
