after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
