people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These tits shall not be calmed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
