He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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