Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
