Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
