Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
