Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Randomize
