If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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