You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
