Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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